Once in awhile, I will be filled with doubt. In myself, and everyone around with me. I question their actions, I question my own.
All this because of certain incidents that have happened in the past because I remember the things and the hurt.
But then I also remember...
.
.
.
.
Loving someone is more difficult than hating someone, Letting go is harder than holding on.
But that doesn't mean we should hate more than we love and hold onto what's not ours.
Hatred never ends... without closure, hatred never ceases. Isn't it draining to constantly have strong feelings of dislike towards somebody else?
When that dislike could be turned into something neutral, so that you no longer have to carry that weight around in your heart anymore.
Forgiving somebody is not easy, but it's like getting over the death of a friend. The sooner you come to terms with reality, the sooner the pain doesn't feel so raw anymore.
.
.
.
.
.
.
So eventually, I forgive everyone who has done me wrong.
Several people come to mind.... But even though your mistakes have caused me pain, to be a real victim would be to carry around the weight you've put on my shoulders for you, and I won't do that.
That pain and guilt is for you to feel when you reflect upon yourself, even if you don't feel it now, everyone has a day when they realize how wrong they've been.
If that day never comes, then a sad person you are.
.
.
.
You know you have moved on when you can think about something without breaking down or having negative thoughts.
You know you have moved on when you understand why things had to turn out the way they did, when you no longer have a thousand "What Ifs" and "Whys" constantly swarming in your head.
.
.
.
"Forgive, but never forget" -
Never forget the lesson that mistake has taught you...
There is no room in life for regrets, and mistakes shouldn't be regrets held on to for too long, for only through mistakes do we humans learn. Some mistakes are blessings in disguise.
"A man can make a million mistakes, as long as he doesn't the same mistake a million times."
Some people are genuinely sorry for their mistakes, some people are just sorry that they got caught. Mistakes would be nothing more than mistakes if you don't learn from them.
Sometimes, mistakes are also known as a turning point in life.
Everyone has done somebody else wrong, and similarly, everybody has had someone do them wrong.
But there is no point crying over spilt milk..
So why not lighten up, and make the best of what you have right now?
As much you wish you could, you can't turn back time or take back the things you said or undo the things you've done.
Or maybe, in some cases, you can't undo the things someone else had done.
Whoever told you that "Your life is in your hands" was shitting you.
Many things happen in our lives, things that we have absolutely no control over.
What we have control over is our emotions and we decide how we want to react over things that have happened. In the end, our actions will be the result of our emotions.
We can be angry, we can be sad... or we can learn and grow from it.
-------------------------------------------
"Letting go is harder than holding on" -
Because the reason we hold onto something is that we are afraid of what happens when we let go.
We think that by holding on, we show the world that we're strong.
But sometimes letting go is what we really need to do.
Letting go only makes sense when you realize you're better off without what you were holding onto. Or if you understand there's nothing you can do about the way life works.
Or for whatever other reason you may have... everybody has their own reasoning.
Even if you know why you have to let go, it doesn't necessarily make the process of letting go any easier of course...
But at least it gives some closure.
Whoever said life was easy anyway?
Once you're over the painful process of letting go of something,
closure will start kicking in and you'll be surprised by how relieved you feel.
When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I thought that I was gonna die. Like seriously.
Lucky for me, within a rather short period of time, I met James and he's been part of my life ever since.
But I reckon that the reason I moved on rather quickly was because
1) I found someone else.
Sometimes we need that special somebody to make our problems go away, to make the pain stop hurting.... Someone to help us make sense of what's going on in our lives.
Some people might even tell themselves, "When one door closes, another opens.." so they think that the reason they broke up with their ex was so that they were allowed to meet their next partner.
Well, whatever floats your boat I guess! As long as you've moved on, good for you.
Another reason why I moved on rather quickly...
2) He told me I was too possessive / not understanding (and several other reasons)
At that point of time I didn't think I was all that, so I got angry and told myself I'm determined to move on and find someone better for me. And I did.
Now that I think about it, ya I was pretty possessive hahaha.
My main point is - Yes I was angry, but at least I knew the reason. So there was some sort of understanding and most importantly - closure.
Closure is what we all need to move on...
I think that if someone close to me suddenly disappear mysteriously, I'd find it harder to accept then having the person die suddenly.
Even though there is a possiblity of that someone who has disappeared being alive, it doesn't necessarily make things better...
It may just make things worse. Because I wouldn't know why he disappeared, I wouldn't whether he was still alive or not, etc.
If he were dead, I'd break down, grieve and mourn, but sooner or later I will come to terms with reality. And that's that.
Whenever I think of that dead friend, happy memories will fill my mind... And I'll miss him.. But the pain isn't so raw anymore.
But if I were to think of a missing friend, I'd always wonder when is he coming back... or is he even coming back at all?
The endless questioning would kill me... and everytime I tell myself I don't understand why it had to happen, the wound is cut right open again.
There is simply no closure.
Unfortunately, I have not come up with a good-enough "theory" or "solution" as to what a person faced with such a situation should do.
My heart goes out to these people.
We could tell them to move on, we could tell them life is unfair like that... but to tell them that would be unfair.
That's about the only situation I can think of that makes closure seem impossible. But in the end, closure comes from within. Is it the same as resigning to fate?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then again, that's just how it works for me.
Maybe after reading this, it would help some of you forgive someone else, or even yourself....
Or to let go of that something you know you should have a long time ago.
I know it has worked for me, and I don't carry weights around in my heart anymore.
xoxo,
Jess
