I love how my blog can have another author now, yay! It's always interesting to hear about a relationship from different views of the 2 people involved.
Here is Sam's 2nd blog entry!!
Ever prepared for public speaking?
You would go through each moment in your mind about a million times and every time you would add more to what you have to say, making it better, maybe longer, more interesting to captivate the audience.
Every second clear as day so that at the moment of truth you would look down and be sure that you put on pants today, so that you could confirm 100% that you wouldn't fuck up.
The big day comes, so you're all dressed up and you are introduced, the audience claps and you get off your seat, wave and approach the podium..
You stare across the sea of faces gawking at you, judging you, and at that very moment you realise you forgot your cue cards.
I like you, you like me...... ok so what now?
Well I'll tell you what happened next - nothing.
Life was all fine and dandy, the happenings of that fateful night in history. The conversations definitely changed though, to "When did you realise you developed feelings for me?" and "Why didn't you say anything?"
The answers were simple obviously.
I was a little scared piece of shit guy who couldn't face the fact that he's fallen head over loafers in love with someone an 8 hour plane trip away, and that the future, if there even was one, was so uncertain and going to be so stupidly difficult..
Was it even worth the trouble?
WHY YEEEEEESSSSS, my inner self told me, that part of me that tells me what to do when brain function shuts off or is temporarily disabled.
And so the conversations continued about everything under the stars and sometimes what was above them, but eventually the "next step" had to be taken - a 6000 km step over a country filled with kangaroos, over a sea and into what was something called the most hateful place in the world.... I mean Singapore, the place she lived in.
It was put forward many times, "When should I come over?"
The response was, "I don't want to pressure you, I know you have work and things but hopefully before the end of the year."
The deadline was set, end of the year?
In 5 months I might as well go to war with North Korea and come back to find her in the arms of another boy/man/creature.
Then it dawned upon me that I was a single male, no kids, money in his pocket, no financial commitments, what was I waiting for?
I can pack and go see her whenever the hell I feel like it....YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I don't think I told myself this enough and I'll probably keep telling myself this till the day I die.
"Shiberty cookies and fucking milk", I'm going to meet her.
My face went pale and my head light, what was no more than a fantasy, even what could of been just my imagination was becoming more and more real.
A reasonable date was set to be after her birthday because apparently with each number added to your age, you're meant to become wiser, more mature and more of an adult.
Little did I know in the real world everyone is childish, just look at Australian politicians.
20th of September started to feel like a long way off, and the date of our inevitable face to face encounter was ever pushed forward, closer, a little more with every nudge from Australia or Singapore.
We were dying to meet each other and there was no way around it.
Sounds like all cookies and cupcakes, pun intended, but it all wasn't that simple. There were problems that crept up on us that were shrouded before by the intense thrill of excitement but they couldn't be ignored now.
"What if you don't like me in real life?", "What if I don't like you?!?"
Yes, even in those purest of heart there is doubt.
What was once anticipation, excitement and joy is now replaced with the bitter taste of uncertainness.
What was only clear and calm waters now had storm clouds gathered, but the big question was asked - WERE WE TOGETHER?
How far were we going to push an online fanatical fascination into that of reality, where is the line drawn on such things?
Could we really say that we were together without even looking at each other, without even breathing the same air, is the person more fiction then mortal?
Well the answer I came up with was easy - "Yes."
Plain and simple, I was soooo far in, I couldn't make heads or tails but did she feel the same way?
Would she gamble on the small chance that we may like what can not be expressed over the world wide web?
In my mind I highly doubt it, a healing heart is not so easily fixed. Fixed it may not be,
but may as well do it the Vietnamese way - a trait I'm proud of having course through my veins.
Call it trickery, deceit, or down right sad, I prefer to think of it as just a small nudge, Cupid sure isn't doing his job anymore, just look at all the miserable people in the world, so I might as well put on my wings and dust off the bow and arrow.
I thought to myself, I may as well tell her brother.
According to the laws of the universe, dating a friend's sister, I'm breaking about 50% of those laws, 40% more is broken just by the fact I'm of Vietnamese descent and the 9% was probably broken when I was a moronic teenager.
Note there is a 1% margin of error. I was breaking the rules and I didn't really care, this was a great opportunity because there would be a high chance of him asking "Are you two now attached?"
That's all I needed. Since this is a personal blog, I may as well come clean, better now than when I'm in front of God begging for forgiveness.
The conversation to my recollection went like this:
DaNang cupcakes and tea: fuck aye he just asked if we were together?... are we?
Shiberty cookies and milk: ummmm....
DaNang cupcakes and tea: quick i have him on the vent and hes asking....
Shiberty cookies and milk: i dont know ........
Congratulations Sam, some of the pivotal moments in your life and you can't remember jack shit, well yeah I really don't remember much more than that but eventually we did confirm that we were together as "boyfriend and girlfriend"
You might say not sure if that's an upgrade from "l4d husband and wife", who knows but things were looking swell for this happy couple.
Bright days were forecast for a long time, till Sam got drunk off his nut, came tumbling home to talk to Jess.
It upset her like crazy and broke the long distance trust that he had built that felt like 1923812381203 years.
The details of that day I leave known to the two of us, till she decides to one day blog about it. I guess maybe I will, when I'm famous and people actually care about what I do, which will be never.
A small hurdle was eventually cleared. When I say small, I mean mountainous for the two of us.
We never really quarrel or get upset at each other, but this was one of those rare occassions and they still feel like shit every time. Only a few days before I first land in singapore and this has to happen.. sucks dogs wangs really.
Eventually the events of that night is forgotten and we go back to talking to each other
about everything and nothing,
but it would never be the same again because soon, that person who didn't have any shape or form would be standing in front of me WTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFF.
It's a good time to end this entry, may not be as fun and exciting as others but it needed to be said because great relationships, great battles, great stories aren't accomplished in a day, they are the accumulation of a lot of small but important steps.
And yes, 6000km is a small step.
The biggest has yet to be taken, "What the fuck am I going to say to her when I see her for the fucking first time in... ever?"
Well, look forward to my next entry titled 'SKEPTICAL'.
Jess (and Sam!)