The Final 1
Some of you already know this piece of news - but for those who don't...
I am one of the lucky Top 60 contestants for The Final 1 Singapore!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!
The newest, and apparently biggest, reality singing competition to hit our little sunny island. When I got the call from Mediacorp saying I have been selected as one of the Top 60 contestants to participate in this show.... I was in utter disbelief. I really didn't think I'd even make it to the Top 60 - I was just trying my luck at the auditions for fun.
And what do you know??? I actually got in!!!!! :')
Out of over a thousand hopeful entries, me! This is a huge deal to me because I'm such an amateur singer if I do say so myself, and to be shortlisted as one of the contestants for the first ever singing competition I've joined in my life, a significantly large scale one at that, was tremendouysly thrilling indeed! This is as big as a show is going to get in Singapore, honestly! My childhood ambition has always been to be a singer. Now that I'm older and have come face to face with the real world, I know it's not as simple or achievable as it sounds. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to stop hoping.
For the first time, I turned that "want" into "do", and "hope" into "action".
Here I am.... cheekily beaming away on their contestants page, looking wayyyyy too purple. I'm like a giant eggplant decked in floral wear. What the heck?!
WHY in good god's name did I consciously choose to wear a purple dress when I have purple hair? When I have a hundred other dresses in my wardrobe.....? Sometimes I think I ought to be shot by fashion police. LOL. Too bad I often realize my fashion mistakes a little too late for rectification. *heaves a whopping sigh*
If you've been tuning into Channel 5 on our local TV.... You may have seen this advertisement to promote the show featuring yours truly in my Begin Again music video!!! :)
LOOK MA, YOUR DAUGHTER'S ON TEEVEE!!!
I was like :OOO when a fellow contestant told me "Hey, your video is on Channel 5!!". It's always exciting news to be on TV, but even more so when it's your singing clip that they choose to feature! The last time I was on TV was for a Eu Yan Sang Weight Loss feature last year, a lot less glamorous than this one because my fatness was exposed on national television, thank god I don't have to die knowing that the only time I ever appeared on television was because I was fat. I got appear because I got talent also okay!!!! Hoo-rah!
I don't watch much TV at all (I'm more of a movies kinda girl) but I hope I get to see my advertisement at least once before the premiere of The Final 1 airs!!!!! I am also excited to watch the first episode of the show, of course, but the difference is... this advertisement is 100% me. Lol. Whereas the first episode will feature 59 other contestants. So this is my only real time to "Shine" without anyone else stealing my limelight. Literally 10 seconds of fame HAHAHA.
More about the fabulous Top 60 contestants in The Final 1:
Oh lord, you can actually see my awful candid shots in various parts of the video - in fact in the very first few frames you can spot a bored-looking purple haired girl sitting in a chair stoning away. (And sashaying away in the background at 0:20 LOLOL) It was a very long video shoot, we filmed for over 12 hours.... unfortunately my tiredness was indirectly captured on camera!!!!!!
To be really honest with you, I'm not looking forward to seeing myself perform on TV. If you have half a brain and have read my previous emo posts, I'm sure you would've figured out just why. Furthermore, I don't know how weird / fat / awkward / fail I'd look and even worse - how I would sound like!! Hopefully passable? I can't remember ANYTHING solid from my performance.
Here's how it basically went down.
My name was called to go on stage. My heart stopped at that very second. "Don't trip when going up the stairs", I told myself. I walked onto stage. I heard the other contestants sing. They were GREAT. Like, beyond great. They rocked my world. I knew it was going to be very very tough for me to top them, and to be honest I felt so intimidated and petrified, I wanted to just drop off the face of the earth forever and never return or at least run off the stage to hide my face until people forget my name, at that point in time..... but, cameras were rolling & recording & all eyes were fixated on me - so bo fucking bian, gotta go through with it, no matter how much of a pussy I felt like. Eventually, I was asked to introduce myself by either Taufik / Kit Chan (my entire memory of this event is sucha blur I honestly cannot recall properly) and then I opened my mouth to sing. I started off VERY shaky. It didn't help that the song I chose did nothing for my voice, as well. So many bad decisions on my end, I didn't know any better :'( I was so nervous, my heartbeat was louder than my own voice. I was supposed to hear music and myself singing but after a few seconds, all I heard was deafening silence. It's probably the sound of fear.
I glanced over at Ken Lim's direction, he didn't seem so impressed. My heart sank. "Don't look at Ken Lim, DON'T LOOK AT KEN!!!!!!" I kept repeating in my brain. "I'll look at Taufik instead, he's got a less fierce face." Taufik managed a half smile at me. My hands are drenched in cold sweat, I was afraid that the microphone would slip right out of my grip and fall onto the floor, causing an ear shattering boom. That would be embarrassing. I was so numb with stage fright that I couldn't even feel my fingers at all. Throughout the whole time I was singing, I didn't even feel like I was singing (or breathing or existing). It felt like an outer worldly experience, as if I was dreaming, just witnessing the whole thing from a third person point of view. I don't know if you understand what I'm trying to say, but sometimes your body does things without your mind actually being there. When it's all over, your mind snaps back to reality and you're just like, "Woah, did that really just happen?" because it felt exactly like a daydream. Like my soul left my body or something. Yes, it's THAT dramatic. Before I knew it, I was reaching the end part of my song.
Time to hit that relatively big note Jess........... DON'T SCREW IT UP.... Oh, fuck. Nerves got the better of you, this time, girl. The rest, is history. You have to watch the show to find out what actually happened!
I've never felt this way in my whole life before. I have been scared, I have been insecure, I have been unsure, I have been nervous... but NOTHING could compare to how I felt that day. It felt like my heart was going to implode, both from stress and excitement. I wanted to burst into tears just from the sheer overwhelming emotions and adrenaline running through my veins. On a live stage with 50+ other contestants looking on, Kit Chan, Taufik Batisah and Ken Lim judging your every move and note + big fat cameras planted everywhere in front of you.. not a good virgin attempt at public singing. I wish I had experiences in live gigs or performances prior to this competition, but well, the fact remains that I didn't. I am a rookie. I don't want to get all emo again lah. I want to learn from my mistakes and carry on life, making the best out of my future opportunities. For the rest of my feelings about this, please refer to this post and that post if you haven't already read them.
Thank you to everyone who has been excited for me to be part of this journey and for all the encouraging messages as well. I don't think I did my best at all for the performance in terms of vocal ability but I really gave it my all in terms of effort + determination. I just didn't have the skills to execute what I wanted to achieve.
Nevertheless, if you want to catch me and my purple hair on TV....
See you guys on your television set on 24th April, 8pm, Channel 5!!!!
I'm only a small, small part of this big show. The rest of the contestants, however, are another story. You DON'T want to miss the epic-ness of their singing talent. I just can't comprehend how some of them are not already famous yet. I can't stop gushing. And trust me, when you watch the show - you will as well! I can't wait for the live shows baybeh!!!!! Lights, camera, action! Get ready, Singapore.
THE FINAL 1 TROOPS.... ONWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!